I hate that feeling I always get
that lump in my tummy that makes me sweat
When will it all end? I just want you
How much more should I prove
I know I messed up
I truly regret
All I want to do is move on and forget
I’m sorry for all the pain I have caused
If I could take it all back I’d do it without a pause
One day you will see this the new me
The one that dedicated his time to you and me
I love you now more than ever
All I want is forever and ever
Today was one of the worst days of my life. I’m almost sure I lost the girl I love and hurt a lot of people. I’m not one to let people down or to even be on the their bad side. I’m honestly a great guy with good intentions, I just can’t put to words what transpired over the past 5 months. I can feel my insides screaming at me for hurting such an amazing girl. Just the fact that I lost YOU. I hurt YOU. I made YOU cry, kills me. I mean I’ve always seen us getting married and starting a family cause your so perfect for me.. but I guess joke was on me
It all just hurts. How quickly I’ve become just a “friend” in your life. I can feel change creepin around the corner, I just hope it doesn’t change us too much to the point where there’s no return. I’ve never cried over a girl yet with you, like the tears that flow down my eyes at night, everything is different. Losing you is like losing my smile, my heart, and my life. I’m just in so much pain right now. It’s not easy to slap on a smile and pretend its okay but only you n I know what’s really wrong.
You may forgive me but I know you’ll never forget. I too may never be able to forgive myself. Your the LOVE of my life. My everything. I’m grateful for you letting me stay in your life. I’m just devastated that there may never be an “us” ever again. I love you… MADLY, but I understand the magnitude of my mistakes. They weren’t me but nonetheless they were still taken by me. I wish I could take it all back. I still can’t get over how much pain I’m in. If this is heartbreak I can’t imagine what your going through. I don’t want my heart anymore… it’s of no use to me if it doesn’t come with your love.
Ultimately, I’ve a steep climb up this mountain. I’ll do whatever it takes. All along the way I must patch up broken ties with all her loved ones that confided in me. It’s all on me. I’m very capable of doing it, I just need some time to gather myself. I’m too distraught to pursue anything right now. Just know that I will come for you, not tomorrow but someday down the road. Till then I’ve a lot of “Remodeling” to do.
As for today…. today was my Fall From Grace
Based on tonight’s events
Many of us don’t realize what we have until it’s gone. I’ll never understand why it has to come to losing someone to realize the value of that person but sadly that’s the truth. Quite frankly, many of us know exactly what we have, we just don’t think we’ll ever lose it. People come n people go, every goodbye leads to another hello. So why sit around all miserable when perhaps something better awaits you? Every end is a new beginning. Every finishline is the start of a new race.
So there’s a girl I’m madly head over heals in love with… but everytime I hang with her she’s all over my best friend, cool. The whole “jealously” act or whatever the eff your doing ain’t working. I’m sitting there burning hot wondering why your doing me like that. Yeah I’ll always be here cause I love you, more than words could ever say. But sometimes I ask myself do I deserve this? Do we deserve this? Cause nothing lasts forever. Everything is meant to be broken: Records, Relationships, life itself to name a few.
As a lover, a friend and a human being, there are some things I’ll never understand. Like fighting for example. With our friends, with our loved ones or with the kid next door. I can’t stand it. It’s a major turn off. So when someone chooses to fight with me, I try to control my anger but I tend to get caught up in it and in the process leading to a whole lot of unnecessary words being exchanged. The most IRRITATING thing is people who always think they’re right. It’s like shut the fck up… your not google! If your going to fight then fight, but atleast let it be over relevant shit. There are those people in your life, no matter what, no matter why, you’ll always put up with them because you value there presence in your life. You know life without them would be like a day without sun.
Unfortunately… everything above
perfectly describes this girl. But like a sharpie, this girls name is etched on the walls of my heart, so no matter how many times I try and erase, her name will always stay. As much as she’ll piss me off, she’ll always find a way to make me smile.
So I’ll leave with this, I love you so much but I hope you don’t take me for granted cause I’d hate to see the day where there’s no more you.
“Don’t take for granted the things closest to your heart. Cling to them as you would your life, for without them, life is meaningless.”
She was miles away from me
Different time zones, Different countries
Still nothing had changed
He thought of her in every moment of his day
Not once did she leave his mind
She was as much apart of him as his flesh n bone
He missed her dearly
Her lips, her voice, her smile,
Most of all, her soft, cloud like palms he’d come to call his home
In those palms of hers he had given her his most valuable belonging, his heart
He trusted her for she was the most amazing moment to of ever been his
She was like a trophy you’d just won or a brand new car..
Dying to show it off to the world
He laid in bed dreaming of her
So stupid he was
4 am yet not remotely close to sleeping… this had become not a habit but more of a lifestyle
Sitting, just waiting, wishing it would turn into day soon so he could began talking to her
He was in madly in love with her… days with her were utter satisfaction
Closest to perfection he’s ever been
She was the perfect poison, the greatest high, the breath taking roller coaster we all rode growing up. She was heaven on earth, she was a dream come true
“It’s hard saying goodbye but sometimes it’s even harder accepting it’s over” -Rahul Mangalore
Having just watched the season finale of Greek, I’m feeling a little inspired. So take my hand and let’s go for a walk…
For weeks now I’ve been watching this television series called Greek and when I first started watching I didn’t know what to expect. Thought it would be yet another soap opera with the same nonsense. As the first episode began to play, within moments I was swept off my feet. This was going to be a GREAT series!! I can’t tell you how or why but this show simply just took over my heart. 20 or so Mixers, Break ups, twists and turns later, like all good things, Greek came to an end. The season finale nearly brought me to tears(I NEVER cry). It had managed to capture my heart in a matter of weeks, a feat only few have accomplished, so a feat worthy of praise. This show clearly meant a lot to me so seeing it end was really depressing. In times when I needed something to cheer me up Greek aways came to my rescue. As the end credits began to roll down the screen, Forever Young by Youth Group started to play, something took over me, I felt it inside me and It felt as if a huge boulder had been lifted off my chest… I had got what I had long since needed…
I sat there just thinking about everything. Lost in thinker mode, my thoughts were just flowing.
For the past couple of weeks or so I’ve been lost in another realm. Some dark cold emo filled world. I’ve been dwelling on what once was rather than what is. I seemed to of lost my smile and everything else went with that. Every now n then someone comes along and changes everything about you. See I don’t know how she came or why she came and though our relationship was short lived it changed me from the inside out. She was my first love and like Greek she too had managed to capture my heart in a matter of moments. I’ll never forget the opening scenes of our relationship and the moments we shared, I think no matter how hard I could try, those memories are inseparable from my heart. This past year n half has been a long hard fought battle, they say love is a battle, love is war… well my relationship with this girl was nothing less. After you’ve lost a game or battle or whatever it is you’ve lost, you sit there in your uniform just wondering what the hell went wrong. Having wondered for weeks its now time to put down my sword and change my uniform. No point in worrying about yesterdays misery when tomorrow holds many more new questions. The time has come to say goodbye and move on. So this is farewell, my goodbye to us, my goodbye to your memories, and most of all my goodbye to you. As the sound of Forever Young came to a close, I got up and headed towards the door, looking back, I thought of her sweet smile one last time, smiled and turned off the lights to the room. It was like a bird being let out of his cage, I was free, able to fly away and explore the world. This was the start of something new.
After a long long time, everything felt like it was back to normal, the smile, the motivation, everything, it was all back! Finally, I had found Closure
There’s a hole the size of Jupiter in my heart
What does it matter though
Look around, but there’s no sign of you
You were my moon, and I was your earth
Once you stepped foot into my world
Everything changed like the Precambrian times
Your smile gave me light, your kiss gave me life
Till one day we ran into the ice age
Now your long gone…
It’s alright, life goes on
I got better things on my mind
I’m marching on, without you
Always knew you were different
Couldn’t put you in a class with them other girls
Maybe that’s why we couldn’t be friends
Leaving your memory behind, I’m off
BLAST OFF!
Off into orbit, searching for my diamond girl
One day I’ll fill this hole with love… One Day
Till that day, my heart will have a giant crater
Lights Camera Action
All eyes on me
I’m the Hero in this story
So nobody gotta tell me how to act
I do as I please and I stay doing me
I’m always on the run
Just trying to have fun
You only live once
So I say fuck it
Let’s live it up
Me against the world
Time to conquer my dreams
Flying through reality
At the speed of infinity
Bursting through the O-zone
Breaking barriers
Smashing down walls
I’m locked in, laser
Got my eyes set on the future
So for all you haters…
See you on the other side
I’m off into the night
Got my cape on, black S on my chest
I’ve grown weary and cold
My worlds dark
You don’t want to be apart of it
Full of nightmares
I’ve been corrupted by society
I gave in and now I’m no longer the person I use to be
Frustrated, I plunged into another realm
Walk side by side with these monsters
Can’t separate the good from the bad
I’ve lost it all, all that I had
Now I’m bad… there’s no turning back
This is me, frightening am I?
I’m a motherfucking MONSTER
It’s late at night
No more fight in him
Somethings growing inside
Slowly its consuming him
Can’t turn n run
So I let this monster out of his cage
Prepared to rage, forget this chapter and turn the page
Please… let me go
I don’t like this feeling
Mind can’t take it
Its killing me deep down
I don’t know what it is
Im searching for the answer
Need an encyclopedia… got too many questions
Brain on overload
Slowly I’m losing control
And there’s not a thing I can do to save my dying soul
I’m a monster
A motherfucking monster
consumed by my inner demons
What have I become!
No longer the boy I once was
Walking the fiery streets of hell
I’m searching for the truth
Nothings normal
I got fire in my eyes
Staring into the starry night
wonder why oh why is this happening to me
All but pain in my heart
Nothing to lose yet everything to gain
I’m searching I’m searching
for my solitude
Minds going crazy, I’m so lonely
Only time will tell me
Why all this is happening to me
